Yesterday, I got my latest issue of The Thing Quarterly. Don’t remember what The Thing is? That’s okay. A collaboration between a writer and an artist or designer, The Thing arrives at my door a few times a year, always unexpected–because I never remember to check the website–and always as welcome as the pen pal letters I craved from Camp friends when I was young.
Issue #10 does not disappoint. Crying Instructions, by Starlee Kine, commands my attention with a compelling written piece, ending with a request that I actually use the beautiful, smooth, nice and new, cutting board within.
“So when it came time to figure out an object for you, dear trusting subscriber, I knew, first of all, that I wanted it to be something you could really put to use in your home. Even as I type this, a familiar ember of anxiety has begun to glow faintly in my belly. I am afraid you will not take this request seriously, that you will find my object too nice and thus think to yourself, ‘I like Starlee, but it’s hard to understand what she wants. I think what she is saying is that this belongs on a high shelf where no one will be able to ever touch or hurt it.’ That is not what I am saying. What I want, more than anything, is for you to destroy this object…that I have so lovingly made…just for you.“
Is it strange that I actually thought about framing a cutting board??? Despite her request that subscribers “please break the board in by slicing up an onion,” I’m having trouble. I know that I will, because that’s part of the process, and when I do, I’ll let the onion “get the old tear ducts working.“
“The use of my board is supposed to be a cathartic experience, and you can’t spell ‘catharic’ without slicing the ‘c’ right off of ‘crying.’ Think of it like a phone therapy session with all the comforts of home, minus the having to listen to your psychiatrist breathe. And whatever you do, don’t salvage those tears in a Dixie cup. Allow them to seep right into the wood. That’s what it’s there for.”
Okay, I promise to use it. One of these days.
